As much as I hate to admit, I have an obsessive personality.
Not in the lifetime movie, I-need-to-be-obsessed-with-someone-and-I-am-going-to-cheat-and-lie-and-kill-my-husband-to-get-what-I-want, way.
More like the when-I-find-something-that-interests-me-I-am-going-to-focus-on-it-wholeheartedly way.
So when seven year old me watched a special edition animal planet episode of Jane Goodall and her Chimpanzees, I was gone. My heart now belonged to the chimps. I was going to study them, learn them and come up with cures, solutions and fixes for their endangerment.
I soon outgrew my animal planet fantasy and through the years of learning about human trafficking, the AIDS pandemic, world poverty, the water crisis, racism.. (and the list goes on) I often become obsessed with new causes- thinking how can I fix this? This year some friends and I raised 1,000 dollars for the world water crisis. This will be able to provide clean drinking water to 100 people for life. While the action and the money and the intent itself are not bad in themselves (after all the money will go to change peoples lives); I wondered through the process, is this really the best way?
Should I really be turning people into projects for my peers and friends to participate in?
Should I really be turning people into projects for my peers and friends to participate in?
I was in Chicago last weekend. You see a lot of homeless people in Chicago but one man in particular was simply asking for food, not money, just a meal. We offered him some of our popcorn but his teeth were too rotten to eat it. Our bus had just pulled up, but we were determined to get this guy some food. My friend and I ran across the street to a bakery and started grabbing food, questioning prices and handing the cashier money. She seemed put off and annoyed. Did she not know we were trying to feed the homeless here?!
Before shuffling out the door I caught another glimpse of her. She was tired and looked worn out. Her apron was dirty and her lips were turned down. It may seem little and insignificant. Yes I paid the woman and told her to keep the change, but if I would have just slowed down long enough,
Before shuffling out the door I caught another glimpse of her. She was tired and looked worn out. Her apron was dirty and her lips were turned down. It may seem little and insignificant. Yes I paid the woman and told her to keep the change, but if I would have just slowed down long enough,
I would have seen that she may not have been hungry for food but she was hungry for love and kindness and I denied her of that through our encounter.
How often have I done this though, turning people into projects, trying to fix them and find solutions to their problems. Even if I do not consciously mean to, how often do I develop a Machiavelli attitude; believing that the end is justification for the means? It was all about getting that homeless man a muffin in the moment, when it should have just been about loving whoever I encountered.
Walking around Chicago with thousands of other people made me feel pretty small. The truth is, I am small. I will never be able to save the poor beggar or the poor in spirit, let alone the primates;). My God is the only one who can truly save. It was when I saw the impact of my encounters though that I realized, I may be small but so is this world. Each expression of love matters in this little earth that we live in.
"Dear children let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth"
